Yocheved's Bookshelf

Hide & Seek: Jewish Women and Hair Covering
Reviewed by Yocheved Golani

In 2001, Lynne Schreiber started a chain reaction among women willing to share their innermost thoughts about the intimate aspect of Jewish life regarding sa'ar isha ervah (the hair of married women is immodest for public viewing). Not surprisingly, she learned that many of these modest women would share their thoughts about the sensitive topic of kisui rosh (covering the head) only with the use of pseudonyms. Nevertheless, the pseudonymous and the nonpseudonymous coaxed other friends to lend their own stories to Schreiber's growing anthology. Urim Publications made the groundbreaking collection available to the public as of February 2003. There is simply nothing else on modern bookshelves that gives voice to women's concerns about covering their hair.
"Hide & Seek" records the experiences of women in Chareidi, Chasidishe, Modern Orthodox, and Yeshivish communities. Some had hair-covering role models in relatives or acquaintances. Others did not. The title is taken from Schreiber's personal account of her once-wavering hair-covering decision. The book's value is its portrayal of the processes these women experienced while struggling with the cost, comfort, individual and communal acceptance of covering their hair.
"Hide & Seek" segments are compelling for the issues they explore. A divorced woman's response to an almost humiliating dilemma at appearing married when she aches to let the world know she is an eligible single borders on black comedy. A baalat teshuva's cognitive dissonance at realizing she is wearing a wig while eating at a treife restaurant jolts her into definitive decision (she became a rebbetzin of note once she dealt with relevant issues). The account of a beret-and-bangs wearing woman provides insight into the value of a pleasantly stated question versus the opportunity for a scathing remark. A widow reflects on life through the prism of shaitel strands. Each story is worth mention here because each would appeal to women who share their experiences or would find them intriguing, but space is limited. Through it all, readers can vicariously participate in the emotional upheavals as the writers grapple with the cosmetic and spiritual lockdown that covering their hair represents.
"We don't know what Rav Soloveitchik actually believed about covered hair, and it might not be fair to attribute specific ideas to him," remarked one "Hide & Seek" reader in my neighborhood. "I don't know that anyone trying to decide whether or not to cover her hair would use this as part of the decision process, but this is one interesting book" a neighbor remarked as she read my review copy. She realized the exact nature of the anthology, which includes an overview of halachot pertaining to the covering of women's hair. "Hide and Seek" is an original creation and it serves an important purpose. The book gives voice to the swirling thoughts that have lain hidden beneath synthetic, 50-50, and cloth-covered hair for the past two generations. It speaks to the rabbinate as well as to the public about a topic neither easily broached nor easily resolved. "Hide & Seek" can be a harbinger of conflict resolution when it is followed by intelligent, compassionate discourse between couples. It provides a glimpse into a world that poskim should consider before they respond to related shailot.